What does that even mean? I guess it will be different for everyone. And I, as much as the next person, hate seeing this phrase hijacked to sell expensive products we don’t need or a lifestyle to parade, when what it should mean is to take time out from all of that to do whatever you damn well please.
But. I’ve been thinking about it this week, because I need it. Because I think we all need it more than ever now, when we can use our inability to feel zen and calm to make ourselves feel even worse, and add it to our list of perfection we can’t achieve. And because I refuse to have every good thing hijacked to sell us something.
Am I sounding as feisty as I’m feeling this week? I’m going to run with that too, because sometimes it’s good to not apologise. To take up space and time. To acknowledge what you really need, not what will look good to others, what you think you should do. But I’m writing about it here too because I believe that social media isn’t always a negative thing that makes us thing everyone else’s life is better than ours. For as many overstyled corporate accounts as there are, there are a hundred voices trying to create community, share their passion, and yes, fight back. Ones written from the heart. That’s what I’m trying to do.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been fine at beating myself up through comparison with other people without the help of social media. Maybe it’s easier now, but if so, it’s even more important to learn how to fight it, to hold on to who you are. Reading some of the honest, beautiful, simple accounts I follow on Instagram help me do that. So here’s my little addition to that world.
I started this week feeling inexplicably wrong – in my skin, in my work, in me, in my aims. I noticed how easily I was swayed by what other people said, worrying that they were achieving more, being more sensible with their lives, had a plan that would be the golden ticket! And then, because so it goes, I kept coming across articles and posts on self-care. And the last remaining down-to-earth cell in my overworked brain laughed and sent out a message to the rest of me – you don’t need to do more or be more. You just need to chill out. Be easy on yourself, be gentle. Stop thinking life is an examination and you aren’t going to pass.
And it’s not easy to do. I like to think I’m better at it than I used to be, thanks to yoga, lots of books, the mirror on yourself that is living with someone else, the realisation that life is short and that no one else knows what they’re doing either, and yes, probably age. But still, relaxing and being easy on myself has never been natural for me. Like a lot of us, I overthink everything. My husband used to tell me when I was getting lost in a ‘what if?’ spiral. I panic that one wrong decision can ruin your life forever. Of course, life isn’t that straightforward, and of course, the desire to be perfect actually makes you more likely to be stressed and unfocused, and to mess up.
So now, it seems perfect that it’s Friday, it’s raining, and I’m determined to slow down this weekend and drop off the bandwagon that says if we aren’t striving, or doing, or earning, we aren’t making the most of our lives. Striving to be a better, calmer person is a trap; it defeats the purpose. If you look into history, the need to be busy and useful is a terrible hangover of the Victorian suspicion of the unemployed. Before industrialisation, life was certainly hard, but records show that we had a lot more time to do nothing. Feast days. No TV. No Internet. Being at the whim of the seasons. These made life difficult, but meant people spent more time just being. Being outdoors. Looking.
I’m going to take the best of the century we now live in, and that thought. I’m going to lie in my warm bed and start a new book. I’m going to watch my favourite series on Netflix (please do leave more recommendations so I’m not bereft when I finish my current one!), drink lovely teas, and immerse myself in wonderful Instagram accounts of plants and mountains and art and flowers and thoughts. And I’m going to gaze at the tulips in my garden, go for a walk. Not worry about what I’m eating, or the bills, or what my friends are doing. Remember that hey, you know what, this is my one and only life. Time to just be in it for a while, and give my mind a break.
Oh, and play with my cat. Cats are Zen masters. They know all this stuff already.
mountain and seed 